living with chronic pain

I’ve been struggling with my #chronicpain so much that I gave myself the excuse to not workout. I was giving myself a break. I have been cranky and irritable. I have not felt good. I have been pushing through the pain.

The other day I had a conversation with my husband to check in. I let him know I wanted to communicate because when I’m in pain I tend to push people away and play self-defeating games.
He told me that the way I was going, was going to end me up in bed unable to do anything. I haven’t been working out or eating well. He told me I’ve been complaining about everything every day.
I could have got offended, I could have been mad at him for telling me this. I could have justified my complaining because I’ve just felt horrible, tired, in pain. But I decided to think about it.
I have been complaining and negative and miserable. I’ve been slipping into self-defeating behaviours. So last night after all my online sessions I went and did 20 minutes on the elliptical.
This morning I went out and did 30 minutes. I feel better, yes I’m still sore and in pain, but my mood is better, I feel better, I ate better today.

I have been practicing taking advice. I practice not being offended. I know my husbands love language is acts of service and when I’m sick or sore he sends me exercises and articles. He doesn’t feel sorry for me and I could take that as he doesn’t care but I know he knows I know (lol) what I need to be doing. I know how he feels as I have watched people I love become sick and continue to have self defeating behaviours.

My book talks about a necessary condition for creating safe spaces is self-awareness. To always be willing to look inward. It’s an every day practice.
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Thank you everyone for your love, support, prayers and awesomeness! Having a memoir in the world about healing and self-love really makes you be accountable lol